The Guy Who Wished He Was a Fly   by greggb

You should be careful what you wish for. I know this because I knowed a guy who always used to wish he was a fly. He wished he was a fly so he could buzz around and go in peoples houses and listen on to what they was saying without them knowing he was there. He always would say, “I wish I could be a fly on the wall when those two are talking”, and he would spend a long time wishing he could be a fly and thinking about what it would be like to be a fly.

Then one night after he went to sleep he had a dream that he was a fly. In the dream he was buzzing around and he came upon this house that belonged to this guy that he always wanted to spy on and he thought to his self “I think I’ll go in that guy’s house and go land on his wall and listen in on what he is saying”, accept the door wasn’t open and none of the windows was open neither, and he had no way of getting in the house. So then he thought to his self, “I’ll just go ring the doorbell and when he opens the door to see who is there, I’ll buzz into his house and land on his wall and listen in on what he’s saying”. Accept he couldn’t ring the doorbell because flies aren’t strong enough to ring doorbells, plus they don’t have fingers.

So then he decided he would just wait until the guy came out of his house and then he would buzz in real quick and land on the wall and wait for him to come back, then he would listen in on what he was saying. Accept while he was waiting for the door to open he heard a buzzing sound, and he thought to his self, “I’ll go checkout that buzzing sound”. And when he got closer to the buzzing sound he saw another fly buzzing around something on the ground, he didn’t know what it was but it was lying in the grass, and there was a bunch of flies buzzing around it and landing on it, and most of the flies was eating it.

When he got closer one of the flies screamed at him, “Go away, this is ours and you can not have any of it!” and he realized what it was they was buzzing around and eating on and he said, “You guys are disgusting! I don’t want to eat any of that.” Accept it did smell kind of good, even though it smelled really bad. And he did want to try and taste it, just to see what it would be like. Accept he remembered that he had a job to do, he had to get into this guy’s house and land on his wall and listen in on what he was saying, so he went back and waited by the door again. Then finally the door opened, and he buzzed in real quick and landed on the wall and waited for the guy to come back.

While he was waiting for the guy to come back he thought to his self, “I think I’ll go explore around”, and he started buzzing around the house looking at what was in the house through his bug eyes, which is different than normal eyes. Then he came up to a window and looked through it and saw outside laying on the grass a pile of something. He thought to his self, “I think I’ll just try one taste to see what it’s like”, and he started flying towards the pile, accept something was in his way. He looked and didn’t see nothing in his way, so he tried flying towards the pile again, but something was in his way again. He looked again and didn’t see nothing in his way, so he tried flying towards the pile again, accept something was in his way again. Then he got really frustrated and started trying to fly towards the pile over and over again, but every time something was in his way, until finally he was so tired he couldn’t fly no more, and his exoskeleton was hurting like he might of cracked it, or at least bruised it a bit. So then he sitted in the window sill and thought about fly things for a while. I asked him what kinds of things flies think about and he said, “You wouldn’t understand unless you have ever been a fly,” and I said, “Oh”.

Then finally the guy came home and not long after he came home the phone rang and the guy picked it up and started to talk into it. So the guy who was having a dream about being a fly started buzzing around and looking for a place to land that was close to the guy, sense flies can’t hear very far. He saw something hanging from the ceiling, it was long and kind of spiraled, and also it smelled pretty good, and he thought to his self “I’ll just land hear and listen in on to what he is saying on the phone”. Accept when the guy would talk he couldn’t understand what he was saying. The guy talked for a long time but the guy who was dreaming he was a fly could not understand him. He saw another fly who had also landed on the long, spiraled thing and said, “How come I can not understand what he is saying? Can you understand what he is saying?”

The other fly said, “That’s because he is speaking English, and flies can’t understand English.”

And then the guy who was dreaming he was a fly said, “You mean flies can not understand what people say?”

And the other fly said, “No, flies can only speak Flynese. Flies cannot speak any other language but Flynese.

Then the guy who was dreaming he was a fly said, “This really sucks! I do not like being a fly! I don’t want to be a fly no more and I’m getting out of here,” accept when he went to buzz off, he couldn’t move.

“Argh!” the guy who was dreaming he was a fly said. “I can not move, it feels like my feet are glued to this long, spiraled thing. “Can you give me a hand, my feet are stuck”, he said to the other fly also sitting on the long, spiraled thing.

“I can not move neither, my feet are also stuck”, said the other fly.

The guy who was dreaming he was a fly looked around and saw a bunch of other flies on the long spiraled thing and said “Can one you gentlemen give me a hand, my feet is stuck?” Accept none of them could help him, cause all there feet was stuck too. He looked around at all the other flies and said to his self, “I do not want to be a fly no more. I wish I had never wished that I was a fly, I want to be a person again”.

Then he started thinking about fly things again, but he also thought a lot about all the wishing he had done that he was a fly. For a long time he thought to his self, “I wish I never wished I was a fly, because now I’m a fly and I don’t want to be a fly, I am going to die because my feet are stuck to this thing and I can’t get off it”, and he started crying, accept tears didn’t come out sense flies don’t have tears.

Then finally he woke up, and it took him a minute to realize that he was a person, not a fly. And he was so glad that he was a person and not a fly that he woke his wife up and made her say something to him so he could understand it in people language. Accept when his wife said something he could not understand it, and he was really scared and he screamed out “I’m still a fly!” accept he screamed this in Flynese, so his wife could not understand it sense it came out sounding like a bunch of buzzes in Morse code. Not real Morse code, it just sounded like Morse code. It sounded like “BUUUUZZZ! BUZZ! BUZZZZZ! BBBBUUUUZZZ! BUZZ!”, accept it sounded like his voice. It sounded like his voice screaming a bunch of buzzes.

It turned out that this guy had a weird condishun, I can not remember the name of it but it’s a disorder where people think they is insects. One time I watched a movie on t.v., it was about a lady who thought she was a dog and all she did was bark and she liked to have her belly rubbed a bunch and be petted. But I did not know people could think they was insects, it turns out that they can. There have only been 4 cases of this disorder that I know of, this guy was one of the cases. 2 of the other cases was guys who thought they was flies. I think they probably thought they was flies because they wanted to be flies so bad so they could spy on other people, like this guy. That is why you must be careful what you wish for, because if you wish you are an insect too much you might get a disorder where you think you are in insect.

Oh, the other case was a guy who thought he was a flee. I don’t think he thought he was a flee because he wished he was a flee, because there is no advantages to being a flee. I don’t know why he thought he was a flee, but I heard that his wife divorced him and that he had to have knee surgery on both knees because all the jumping he did while he thought he was a flee wore his knees out.

The guy who dreamed he was a fly came back to thinking he was a person, it took a sicatrist and a bunch of medicine, and I think that they might of shocked him a bit, but finally he came back to thinking he was a person, which is good because he is a person.

Now he tells everyone to be careful about what they wish for, and he tells them the story about him thinking he was a fly.

I know one thing for sure, that I’ll be careful what I wish for. I’ll be really careful to make sure I don’t wish I’m a fly too much, because it would be cool to be a fly and buzz around into peoples houses, but I would not want to be a fly sense flies can’t speak English. Also it would be bad to be a fly because flies like to eat poop, and they don’t know no better than to fly to a different window when they try to get through a window that is shut.